Introducing Billie

This is what I've been writing lately. I'm writing and rewriting a key scene from my feature film to try to get Billie's character just right. This scene comes right after a physically and emotionally violent scene in which Billie's brother is banished from the village. It's the first time we've met Cadence.

EXT. VACANT HOUSE - DAY
The sound of bricks hitting the ground echoes from inside a decrepit house. Dust floats out of the broken windows.

INT. VACANT HOUSE - DAY
Billie (14) hops around on one foot, electrical wire in her hands. Bricks from an interior wall are scattered across the dirt that used to lie under the floorboards but is now exposed.

BILLIE
Ow, crappity, crap, crap.

Over her shoulder CADENCE (14) peers through the empty window.

Billie drops the wire and hops backwards towards the window, waving dust away. She turns to the window to find Cadence right in her face.

BILLIE (CONT'D)
Aghh!

Cadence jumps in fright.

CADENCE
Aghh!

BILLIE
Shhh.

CADENCE
(looking around)
What?

BILLIE
What yourself. You dag. Dad’s on the prowl. I’m not done here yet.

CADENCE
Oh. Work faster. Better yet, stuff work and help me get beans.

BILLIE
Who has surplus?

CADENCE
Who said surplus?

BILLIE
Are you bonkers? The only reason you got away with it last time was because Nana is your Nana.

Cadence clumsily lifts her leg through the window, trying to get inside. Billie shoves her foot and trips her over backwards.

BILLIE (CONT'D)
Oh, no you don’t. I’m working. You don’t want me there anyway. I’ll infect you.

CADENCE
Infect, inshmect. I need a lookout.





What do you think? It's just a fragment at the moment; half-formed. I feel like Billie needs to take control a bit more. I also want her to be FUNNY. Next draft soon.